The past 3 days have really been a torture.
Monday
First i was late for school. Just a few minutes late..it's nothing much really..'cos i've been late for more than i can use my fingers and toes to count. But being late when i only have a few days left going to school, to be specific, wearing this njc uniform which i've once thought is dull and grey. How time flies..I can swear that it was just yesterday that i received news that i was directly accepted by njc. I dunno whether to laugh or cry..to laugh 'cos i got into njc and can continue to stay in my class,05S20, and join my friends in chinese dance..cry 'cos my grades just manage to help me scrape past the minimum criteria of L1R5 10 to get into NJ. I can still hear some people complaining to me why their friends who are smart and enthusiastic got 10 but was kicked out while those that are stupid and slack yet got 10 were accepted instead. I feel like someone has stabbed me at my back and give me a kick. It wasn't very nice to hear that. People blame you for things that you cannot control, that was heartwrenching, i guess.
Anyway, back to the topic of latecoming..i really think i should have treasured my 2 years in njc. My 2 years of studying. I guess my grades start getting downhill since the start of this year. And i believe joining the OGL is my first step to..my downfall?..yea perhaps. If i hadn't been an OGL, i probably did all my holiday homework and work hard all the way. If i hadn't been an OGL, i may not know more people. If i hadn't known more people, i would not be crystal clear with what was happening around me. If i hadn't known more people around me, i wouldn't have got irked by some rubbish stuff that i may not even have bothered at first. I guess my jc life was crushed, largely due to my lack of concentration. Sometimes i tell myself why do i slack so much. Maybe i shouldn't be in this class. It's not that the people in my class are antisocial or what, thou they do divide into cliques(now the line isn't drawn that clear now) or ostracize some people in my class(i don't condemn their behaviour, i do it too). It's just that i feel they are not motivational..maybe i just don't feel motivated to study..having all these friends in my class. I admit alot of them are very fun-loving and i enjoy the times being with all of them(thou they still mug), but it maybe because having all these people as my classmates make me wanna play more, wanna slack more, and most importantly, they make me have the mood that i'm still in first 3 mths orientation. And i guess these are probably the distractions that i had this year that prevented me from doing well. But the worst is yet to come..
The afternoon unfolds a series of nightmares right in front of my eyes..
After school, i went to see mr zach with jianyang,shumin and kaibin. He was still as cool as ever..sometimes i wonder if he really feel satisfied being a teacher. You can never link school with a guy who is so engrossed in surf-boarding..a guy who has to eat,sleep and surfboard to keep himself alive. Anyway, he looked at my bio scripts for prelims, and looking at all those blanks, he gave me a piss-ful lecture: "Look at all these questions..What are the steps in preparing a sample for examination under a microscope? What are the procedure for genetic engineering? Suggest how high blood glucose level in diabetics may lead to levels of glucose in their urine that are higher than normal? Look at these questions!! These questions only require you to recall from pure memory!! And these types of questions are a must-score! How many must-score marks have you thrown away. 60% of bio exam is based on content de..if u never memorise the content..how are you going to pass??!!" That's not worse..but when he says the next thing, it really got me worrying about my ass for A levels. "I suggest you better drop this subject... Because you need to take 1 week for reading thru all the content, 1 week for consolidation, 1 week for practising those tutorials...u already need to spend 3 weeks for bio, what about your other subjects? Somemore bio is not a compulsory subject in admission to alot of courses in uni... I suggest you go check what are the admission for each different course for uni, then you decide which you are most interested in and give me an answer by wednesday... If you really decide to drop bio, tell me asap so that i can get you the pink form and help you apply the dropping of subject." What the hell! I was damn confused from then on.
But mr teo seemed to add the fuel to the fire...when i had my 2nd student-teacher session with him during maths remedial. How scared was i when i saw shumin and adinia coming back to the discussion room with their faces and eyes as red as the butts of the baboons! But they keep saying.."Mr Teo is very encouraging. He didn't scold me at all." If he didn't scold yall, why did yall cry until liddat! Scare the pee out of me! Of coz i didnt cry when teo talk to me..but what he say get me thinking seriously whether i shld keep a subject. He said: "How are you scoring for other subjects?...I suggest you to drop one, but i'm not forcing you, coz it's better to get 3 quality grades than 4 rubbish grades... And you would have less time for all subjects...Which subject do you have the least interest in or you cannot score well in?..You may consider dropping it...Of coz..you shld consider droppin one of the sciences coz it's crazy to drop maths...blahblahblah.."
He really made me think which subject i like. Bio takes time,Physics require skill,chem it's a piece of shit i dun understand. Of coz i'm no superduper brainy chai who can memorise bio like it's on the back of his hand, nor am i god-like in phy lyk zihao. But i really feel chem sux and walao i fall aslp reading it lah.
But then after consulting some of my friends, i guess i will adopt this strategy: Focus on 3, pass the remaining subject. Maybe i could do well..just maybe. I guess i really have to thank ppl like hc and kb who encourage me to keep 4 subjects. Especially hc, u really make me feel that taking 4 sub is more wonderful than 3. REALLY REALLY LOTSA THANKS! but i duno how to describe in words. I just hope u understand how grateful i am. (and sorry for being abit unreasonable on monday..come to think of it, i feel like i'm an irritating pest..but thx for ur trust and confidence in me=p)
Tuesday
It was physics, physics and physics throughout the whole day! I never had such a long day that's purely dedicated to studying physics..not even before prelims!
That was how i slack all the way..thruout this year..not even studying all my syllabus. I always read around 30 to 40% before each test..and my score ranges from 30 to 40 marks tii..does this mean i'll score 100marks if i study 100%? This theory is flawed..as ken pointed out to me that the graph of marks scored against amt of content studied plateaus off at a certain mark. That's because our brain cells are the limiting reagent..Cool huh? i juz hope my limit is not at 40 marks..aha! Choi!
But today is really a physics day. I saw michael tay for as long as i slept the night before..still traumatised by the thought that i may not score well if i take 4 subjects. KNN lah! FSCK lah!
And i'm really grateful that mr michael prepared a summary for all the physics topics for us..by sacrificing his weekends and nites. Thx sir..u've gained my respect. But that respect seems to crush partially when u go thru those pass yr papers wif us. Please leh, dun try to smoke thru like zach..it made me scared u noe. But the worse thing is i seem to get all my formulas and facts wrong while doing the qns..oh what the hell..relax, lin rui boy..u can do it de.
Wednesday
I have to go for my 3rd day of consecutive remedial. Maths again. damn scared everything will go wrong..luckily nothing went wrong..maybe coz i had my yin1 guo3 jing1(the sutra of cause and effect)in my bag..ok..i dun dare to insult god by saying this is all but crXp.
And i really dun feel lyk going out anymore. But it's tempting when ken told me they were going to kbox after sch. They refer to him and 7 dwarves(except adi who was at maths rem with me). And he even say he'll wait for me. I really feel so guilty lah..like i'm not really part of their clique, but they dun mind waiting for me to arrive after my remedial. I feel i shld write an IOU to them.
So it happens that i reach clementi kbox at 5pm. And i finally remembered what special occasion prompted them to come to kbox in the first place..coz it's keesok and peilin's bdae tml! So we sang..i sang little..and i was super off-form..now then i realize my voice was somewhere near the sounds heard when you try to kill a chicken. Wahpiang..i shld go train my voice lah. Huijing sounds most steady,keesok and sam sound nice on mike, nat and lpy are ok..peilin's weird coz she had no rhythm and was off-key with this cheena tone..maybe that's due to the fact that she was once from rv. i was laughing at ken for being so noob as it's his first time at kbox..but then everyone has his 1st time isnt it? I still rmb how noob i am when i enter kbox 1st time in sec 4 wif my classmates and dunno wat to do(partly coz i was late too..come to think of it, i was late for almost half of my trips to kbox..so late that sometimes i only had half hr or 5min to sing.-.-)
But i consoled ken and tell him my knowledge abt canoeing is near to zero if compared to him. Well his canoeing takes away his precious time for songs, while i had this extra time to learn songs to sing at kbox. i can rmb how amaze he looks when i tell him abt the packages in kbox(k-lunch, k-golden,ladies nite blah blah blah) and the different locations of kbox i went b4(cineleisure,cck lot1,jec,amk,hougang)..i believe it's not realli impressive. Serious.
So the cake came at 6pm and we sang "happy birthday" song to PL and KS..with the song being played on the tv too..now i noe how long and complicated is the original happy bdae song. But i keep choking on the cake..it's so dry lah..thou the choc cake tastes nice..lol/
Time flies quickly and PL left earlier for her piano lessons, heard she's graduating soon. The rest of us slack till 7 plus..we exceeded by 45min, but u noe clementi has so few kbox goers that it made it so ulu. It looked alot like the one at amk.
Damn tired..but i shall start my study plan tml. I alr had one made and i shall stick to it. i will loh..and i decided to quit utopia temporarily. A levels is an all or nothing...do or die u noe! maybe i wld nv come online after this blog till 'A's are over..gotta go!
&its not what you think
3:35 pm
